Its true i guess,life is what it is
There are times where you have to make choices and decisions,and there are times when these same choices and decisions are made for you,and you simply have to live with the consequences of it all.
As hard and difficult as it may be.
I feel right now like i am living my life from day to day,based on the choices and actions of others - it feels like i am no longer in control of my own destiny anymore.
The surprising thing for me,is that i dont actually really think I give a shit any more.Has my resilience and stubbornness not been tested enough in the last 2 months?
Doesnt look like it.
But you know what?
I have reached the end of it.
I have reached the end of my rope to the extent where i am now prepared to say
Fuck this shit - i want out.
Out sounds like a good place to go,at least that way,i will be one less person in the way...
Saturday, October 3, 2009
have i been thinking too much again?
Well,after having spent a very large number of hours trying to figure out the reason for life,and the reason why we are here to live it the way that we do –some say we don’t have a purpose – I tend to disagree – I think we are all here for a reason,but it is in our final years that we only realise what that purpose really is,and of course by the stage it is already far too late to be able to fix anything good or bad – one would have already made one’s mistakes – lived with the consequences – or possibly had enough time to right the wrongs of others……..
…….i often find that when it comes to the issue of taking a time out – that everyone needs a break – its not just a case of taking a break,but what it is that you chose to do on the break that actually counts,and makes a difference.Are you doing something that is beneficial to you perhaps?,or are you just doing it because your body has told your brain that its had enough.After all,the body isn’t the only thing that makes up who we are – we are mind,body and soul – I don’t think we would really be able to exist otherwise – after all – your body is just a suit of clothing that you were given when you entered this world.Your soul was but a rain drop on an ocean at that point,and your mind was yet to be developed to the extent where you are free to be able to let you make your own decisions.
or have i been thinking too much again?
…….i often find that when it comes to the issue of taking a time out – that everyone needs a break – its not just a case of taking a break,but what it is that you chose to do on the break that actually counts,and makes a difference.Are you doing something that is beneficial to you perhaps?,or are you just doing it because your body has told your brain that its had enough.After all,the body isn’t the only thing that makes up who we are – we are mind,body and soul – I don’t think we would really be able to exist otherwise – after all – your body is just a suit of clothing that you were given when you entered this world.Your soul was but a rain drop on an ocean at that point,and your mind was yet to be developed to the extent where you are free to be able to let you make your own decisions.
or have i been thinking too much again?
Friday, October 2, 2009
do you believe in soulmates
Do you believe in soulmates? In 'the love of your life'? One person thats destined to fit better with you than anyone else? Or more than one soulmates?
I've been asking this question to a lot of people and getting a lot of different answers.
I've always believed.. or wanted to believe.. that there is such a thing as the one great love of one's life. Maybe its destiny or souls or something else.. but there is one person out there for whom you will feel a kind of love that sinks in and never leaves.. selfless even. I've believed that this love is not dependent on chemistry or biology or physics.. its all transcending. The one person that will always be a part of you no matter what you do and where you go. The kind of love that becomes your reason to smile.. your purpose.. a sweet pain.
I thought this was a fairly simple concept.. I thought it was quite universal too. Then I asked my fren a simple question, 'Do you believe in soulmates?'.. and he said 'No! How can you?'. I was a little surprised.
His thoughts were that love is nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain.. it happens when we see a person that our bodies amd minds recognise as a suitable mate and then you get attached to the person and its as simple as that.
How does that explain the longing in one's heart.. the times when you think of your love and the call you the very same instant.. the fact that you can never really get them out of your head.. it seems like too small an explanation for such a big phenomenon!
So I asked other people.. my curiosity having been aroused.. some said yes, some said no, some said they dont believe in love at all.. but I didnt find any compelling reason or proof to believe either yes or no.
One person told me that love may be caused by chemical reactions in the brain, but then how is there just one person that can make the chemicals go that wild? It must be more than just that.
I think as of now I'm agreeing with him.. if its just chemistry, evey person should give you the same kind of high. Just like if you drink alcohol, it will always give you a high no matter what kind it is.. thats chemistry.. but love is so not like that. You cant make yourself really lurrrve someone if you try and similarly theres always the one person you cant forget if you try. So it is chemistry yes, but more than that. I think theres something inside us that recognises another person as a love higher than all others.. something we see in that person that make our brain chemicals induce a love like no other.
I've heard of the theory that soulmates are two parts of the same soul and they see that in each other.. I'm a little sceptic of that.. I'm still questioning the soul/ spirit theory a little bit.. I dont disbelieve it but I still want to be convinced more.
So that brings me back to the question I've been asking all along.. what do you think of this? Is love just an animal instinct.. chemicals and nothing more? Is there destiny/ soul involved in this? Or something else.. something special? Or is love bullshit and I'm just too naive to see it? What are your reasons for believing what you do, if any?
Love makes the world go round.. or so they say.
I've been asking this question to a lot of people and getting a lot of different answers.
I've always believed.. or wanted to believe.. that there is such a thing as the one great love of one's life. Maybe its destiny or souls or something else.. but there is one person out there for whom you will feel a kind of love that sinks in and never leaves.. selfless even. I've believed that this love is not dependent on chemistry or biology or physics.. its all transcending. The one person that will always be a part of you no matter what you do and where you go. The kind of love that becomes your reason to smile.. your purpose.. a sweet pain.
I thought this was a fairly simple concept.. I thought it was quite universal too. Then I asked my fren a simple question, 'Do you believe in soulmates?'.. and he said 'No! How can you?'. I was a little surprised.
His thoughts were that love is nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain.. it happens when we see a person that our bodies amd minds recognise as a suitable mate and then you get attached to the person and its as simple as that.
How does that explain the longing in one's heart.. the times when you think of your love and the call you the very same instant.. the fact that you can never really get them out of your head.. it seems like too small an explanation for such a big phenomenon!
So I asked other people.. my curiosity having been aroused.. some said yes, some said no, some said they dont believe in love at all.. but I didnt find any compelling reason or proof to believe either yes or no.
One person told me that love may be caused by chemical reactions in the brain, but then how is there just one person that can make the chemicals go that wild? It must be more than just that.
I think as of now I'm agreeing with him.. if its just chemistry, evey person should give you the same kind of high. Just like if you drink alcohol, it will always give you a high no matter what kind it is.. thats chemistry.. but love is so not like that. You cant make yourself really lurrrve someone if you try and similarly theres always the one person you cant forget if you try. So it is chemistry yes, but more than that. I think theres something inside us that recognises another person as a love higher than all others.. something we see in that person that make our brain chemicals induce a love like no other.
I've heard of the theory that soulmates are two parts of the same soul and they see that in each other.. I'm a little sceptic of that.. I'm still questioning the soul/ spirit theory a little bit.. I dont disbelieve it but I still want to be convinced more.
So that brings me back to the question I've been asking all along.. what do you think of this? Is love just an animal instinct.. chemicals and nothing more? Is there destiny/ soul involved in this? Or something else.. something special? Or is love bullshit and I'm just too naive to see it? What are your reasons for believing what you do, if any?
Love makes the world go round.. or so they say.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
perhaps i expect too much
I am one of those people that others come to for advice. I'm a good listener. I pay attention. I empathize. I'm there when the chips are down. I'm a good friend because I want to be.
There are times when I need someone to listen to me. But, I seem to have surrounded myself with people who keep their minds narrowly focused on their own lives. When I try to speak of what is hurting me, the subject gets changed or I'm told I shouldn't feel that way. So, I swallow hard and tamp it a little farther down into my soul. I get the message loud and clear. My problems don't mean much to my so called friends.
I brushed off the comment with something humorous. That's how I cope. It's better to laugh than cry. The crying can be done in private.
It's so overwhelming when I see people feel so sorry for me but don't offer their friendship. Perhaps I expect too much.
There are times when I need someone to listen to me. But, I seem to have surrounded myself with people who keep their minds narrowly focused on their own lives. When I try to speak of what is hurting me, the subject gets changed or I'm told I shouldn't feel that way. So, I swallow hard and tamp it a little farther down into my soul. I get the message loud and clear. My problems don't mean much to my so called friends.
I brushed off the comment with something humorous. That's how I cope. It's better to laugh than cry. The crying can be done in private.
It's so overwhelming when I see people feel so sorry for me but don't offer their friendship. Perhaps I expect too much.
get up and punch again?
i could feel the pain when i type. it's tolerable but i could still the pain...
that's what my life is going on right now. i feel pain but i could still tolerate it...
i'm on the right direction to my goal but like everything that happens to my life there's always something to stop me to reach that goal and today i just had those days where i want to give up about it.
i know this may just sound a useless rant but i'm doing something big in my life right now. a decision i made that i know will forever change my life.
it just sucks that it's not going the way i wanted to. there might be even a chance that this decision will not happen... so what's point of doing it? i keep asking that question today...
because i'm doing this for me...this is for my own personal happiness...
that's why i'm doing it...if there's one thing i'm learning through this is that if you want to be happy, then you have to work for it. you don't need others to make that decision for you. you don't need others to make that happiness a reality.
and now i'm working hard for it...
i just wish i was given an opportunity to make this decision a reality...
but someone told me. hey you're not special...so don't expect everything to be easy...
i'm not...but i know i will be...by working hard to get what i want. by working hard to make my dreams a reality....and then i know that i am special...because i did it on my own...today, life keeps knockin me down...too bad i always get up and punch again... :-)WISH ME LUCK!
that's what my life is going on right now. i feel pain but i could still tolerate it...
i'm on the right direction to my goal but like everything that happens to my life there's always something to stop me to reach that goal and today i just had those days where i want to give up about it.
i know this may just sound a useless rant but i'm doing something big in my life right now. a decision i made that i know will forever change my life.
it just sucks that it's not going the way i wanted to. there might be even a chance that this decision will not happen... so what's point of doing it? i keep asking that question today...
because i'm doing this for me...this is for my own personal happiness...
that's why i'm doing it...if there's one thing i'm learning through this is that if you want to be happy, then you have to work for it. you don't need others to make that decision for you. you don't need others to make that happiness a reality.
and now i'm working hard for it...
i just wish i was given an opportunity to make this decision a reality...
but someone told me. hey you're not special...so don't expect everything to be easy...
i'm not...but i know i will be...by working hard to get what i want. by working hard to make my dreams a reality....and then i know that i am special...because i did it on my own...today, life keeps knockin me down...too bad i always get up and punch again... :-)WISH ME LUCK!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
HE??
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, that's her...
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